What I think about when I think about love

"Hey Jude"

Hey Jude, don't make it bad

Take a sad song and make it better

Remember to let her into your heart

Then you can start to make it better

Hey Jude, don't be afraid

You were made to go out and get her

The minute you let her under your skin

Then you begin to make it better

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain

Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool

By making his world a little colder

Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah

Hey Jude, don't let me down

You have found her, now go and get her

Remember to let her into your heart

Then you can start to make it better

So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin

You're waiting for someone to perform with

And don't you know that it's just you, hey Jude, you'll do

The movement you need is on your shoulder

Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah yeah

Hey Jude, don't make it bad

Take a sad song and make it better

Remember to let her under your skin

Then you'll begin to make it

Better better better better better better, oh

Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude

Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude (1)

I could leave it at that if I had the guts to. It quite adequately describes love…

yet let me dare try to add a few words to what I think about when I think about love to how The Beatles tried to do it.

This past couple of months I have vigorously researched why the human specie yearns for community. The intimate love for another. To be touched by some other being. To get enough. To be fulfilled. To scratch the itch behind the ribs.

I use this “rib” saying quite often. “The place behind the ribs”. “It must be felt behind the ribs”. “It should sprout out of the place behind the ribs”. Thinking about the ribs I cannot help but think of the enticing Genesis story where God firstly says it is not good to be alone (2:18), secondly says that the other creatures won’t do for a companionship (2:19-20) and lastly says that God Himself will not be the only one where the man will find what he needs. What he needs he will find from the other earthlings.

I know I should tread very delicately here as this text has been used in the past to plod upon the mouths and hearts of woman. But believe me that this is the contrary to what I am insinuating.

The emergence of the woman is as stunning and unpredicted as the previous surprising emergence of the man according to Brueggemann (1982:46) (2). The man requires a fresh expression of Gods creating power to fulfil the needs. Here it can once again sound as if the woman was solely created to fulfil the needs of the man but this story isn’t even about the man. This story is about two creatures of surprise that belong together. It’s of two creatures sharing the intimacy of the space behind the ribs. It’s the sharing of a story.

“And I wish you could have let me know

What's really going on below

I've lost you now, you let me go” (3)

Coldplay is singing about the space behind the ribs and that humans want to share this space with other humans. It is in this sharing that one can really get intimate. A great mentor of mine says that intimacy can simply be explained as: “Into me you see”.

When someone creates a space in which sharing may take place and nothing is shared it can create garden-fresh pain. This connects to the second piece of the above quoted Coldplay lyrics. The opening of the heart to others pain. The acceptance space in which rawness can grow into newly sprouted life.

Waar lewe kan uit bliksem.

Later in the song the lyrics sound: "Tell me you love me. If you don't then lie. Lie to me". They are insinuating that even just hearing the words "I love you" are enough. This is such a wierd space. Rather lie to me than say you don't love me? How is that enough?

Always looking for something better.

The human race (I have found it more in myself than anyone else) will always look for more. More cash. More shoes. More perfume. More fame. More church. Better cars. Bigger houses. Best buys.

Yet it will never be enough. Never suffice.

The sharing of the man’s rib (Gen 2:22) is not a sign that the woman necessarily came from the man (I’m not insinuating that the story of Genesis 2 is one huge allegory). The dogmatic researchers will take that argument further but here we find that the sharing of what lies behind the space behind the ribs is what creates one to connect with another. The inner Nevesh (the soul part of the humanness). This sharing of what is mine with you.

“Here is the church and here is the steeple,

We sure are cute for two ugly people.

I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you.” (4)

It’s both in the opening up and the acceptance of that which has been opened that we find deep solace. The Moldy Peaches sing about this in the above quoted song. Being able to say: “hey look here you, were both kind of cute for average looking peeps. Let’s just love that about each other”.

Easier said than done.

"Hey Jude, don't be afraid

You were made to go out and get her

The minute you let her under your skin

Then you begin to make it better"

In the movie Accross the Universe Jude knows who the woman is that has stolen his rib yet he hasn't done anything about it because of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of rejection of his valuable love. (obviously the song then inspires him to go and sing for her. Classic.)

The many "Nah nah nah's" at the end of the song makes me wonder if Jude were really ever happy after he made the song Better better better better better better, oh...

May we strive to accept the depth of people. May I strive to hope in people. Hope in the hope in people. Hope in the waiting for hearts to open. May we also be bold enough to open up and dare trust someone with the space behind the ribs.

Sources:

1. http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/beatles/heyjude.html

2. Breuggemann, W. 1982. Interpretation: Genesis. John Knox Press: Atlanta, Georgia.

3. http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/coldplay/truelove.html

4. http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/moldypeaches/anyoneelsebutyou.html